The Need for External Validation [Fe and Te]

Everyone innately has similar features and struggles. Even though everyone has their own unique experience, we can look at our own struggles as well as those of other people, and find some similarities. 

Take a look at the function list below. This is a layout of all possible functions in a person's consciousness. Each person has four present in their consciousness: an introverted and extroverted observer and an introverted and extroverted decider. 

The Observers

Ne - Extroverted Intuition

Ni - Introverted Intuition

Se - Extroverted Sensing

Si - Introverted Sensing

The Deciders 

Fe - Extroverted Feeling

Fi - Introverted Feeling

Te - Extroverted Thinking

Ti - Introverted Thinking

In this article, we will only be targeting the extroverted deciders (Fe and Te). The decider functions are very important. While the introverted deciders hold our chosen identity, the extroverted deciders hold our means for validation from the external world. 

One of the key functions of the extroverted deciders is to collect data from the outside world. Fe collects feeling data based on relationships in order to create a sense of belonging. Te collects data based on societal accomplishments in order to create a sense of belonging. 

Both functions seek validation, but they require it from different places. Everyone has at least 1 extroverted decider so EVERYONE seeks validation in some way. The amount and type of validation that a person may need will depend on their specific decider function and the place it appears in their stack. 

Someone leading with Fe will typically be a people pleaser who is seeking validation from their friends, colleges, or family (ex. ESFJ). Someone with lead Te will be an all-work-no-play type of person who seeks validation from their accomplishments (ex. ENTJ). If the extroverted decider is in the top spot of someone's stack, it will be the "loudest" function, meaning that this function is quite literally cranked up to eleven. They will be very extreme in their need to fulfill this validation, and even, in an unhealthy state, disrespecting themselves or others in the process. 

On the other end of the spectrum, someone with their extroverted decider last in their stack will seem more focused on themselves, without putting too much emphasis on their mechanism for validation. For example, the INFP is lead Fi, which makes their last function Te. INFPs are typically not too worried about their contribution to society in the way an ENTJ would be. They still have that within them, but to a degree that is far less than an ENTJ.

Have your external decider function in middle will lead you to target validation somewhere between those two extremes. 

The key to alleviating the struggles of the extroverted decider is to balance it with personal identity, or your internal decider. The decider side of every person is a push and pull between those needs, identity and validation. 

What's your struggle? is it Fe telling you you can criticize people? Or Te telling you you have no time to relax? Whatever it may be, knowing yourself is the first step to success.